


Wexler Goodman

by JeSouhaite



Series: Mrs Goodman [1]
Category: Better Call Saul (TV)
Genre: F/M, Kim centric, season 5 level angst and bittersweetness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23575810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeSouhaite/pseuds/JeSouhaite
Summary: Kim Wexler did not like sitting around, waiting.An AU ending for season 5 where Kim got a bit more involved after 508 and Jimmy's little trip in the desert.
Relationships: Jimmy McGill | Saul Goodman & Kim Wexler, Jimmy McGill | Saul Goodman/Kim Wexler
Series: Mrs Goodman [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697041
Comments: 5
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

Kim stared at her blinking cursor at the end of her email to Rich with a blank expression. There was nothing else to do. She was done.

She stood, got her bag then opened the middle compartment on her desk, reaching far in the back, fishing out the Zafiro cork. She didn’t even bother putting it in her bag just walked to her car with it firmly gripped in her hand. The small leaves cutting her palm serving as a reminder that Jimmy was a crafty Irishman who was capable of pulling off crazy stunts.

_Should have insisted on finding another way._

After a drive she would never be able to recall, Kim walked through their front door. Jimmy’s keys were not on the console and the scent of his cologne was too faint for him to be around. Kim was suddenly very aware of her heart beating in her chest, the blood thumping loud in her ears making her temporarily deaf, her vision tunnelling. In vain hope she looked around the place. With every step dread was jeering in her ear.

_Should have gone with him._

_Should have asked where he was going exactly._

Now all she could do was sit around and wait. And Kim Wexler did not like sitting around, waiting. On autopilot she changed into more casual, less-restrictive clothes and thanked her foresight of bringing home some work so she could distract her brain. Still, she checked her phone over and over again; called him twice, no luck even connecting.

As the sun started setting her anxiety rose. Finally, she marched up to Jimmy’s bag and went through it, looking for any clues of his whereabouts. Other than a few case notes for Salamanca there was nothing helpful in there. She did notice though that his legal pad was missing a few pages. Grabbing her car keys and the small duffel bag she had packed earlier, she left and drove to Jimmy’s office picking the locks to get inside.

His office door crashed into one of the chairs for the clients and Kim barely caught herself from muttering an apology. Chuckling at the absurdity of the scene she slipped in and closed the door behind herself before flicking the light on.

Something was off. Making another visual pass of the place her eyes landed on a new picture frame on Jimmy’s desk. She quickly picked it up turning it to see the photo of them that Huell took after their wedding; their first kiss as husband and wife.

Kim stood there unmoving for a beat, breath stuck in her chest. She sunk into one of the chairs as the memory washed over her pulling her in like a rip current. She didn’t remember ever feeling as happy as she was the moment the judge pronounced them husband and wife. It was weird, really, she had never dreamed of getting married, not even when she was twelve. Never saw the point; if you loved someone, a piece of paper wouldn’t change a thing. And if her brief time at family court taught her anything it was that marriage had the tendency to become the worst contract you sign in your entire life. Hence she did believe that their marriage was truly just for the spousal privilege. It had nothing to do with their feelings. Those were unchanged. Or so she thought until the judge told them to face each other.

As the ceremony went on she saw how it affected Jimmy - he was always so open with his feelings - and suddenly she was swept up in that moment too; felt her heart soar, a warm feeling spreading from the bottom of her stomach throughout her chest.

12 years. She had known the man for 12 long years. They’ve been through so much together already. She wasn’t sure she could have done it all without him: survive law school and her nightmarish junior associate days. He was her best friend - really her only real friend - her sounding board, the only shoulder she could lean on and he always made her feel stronger for it.

Things got a little rough the last year or so, enough for her to lost sight of what had mattered most. To think that she was considering severing that tie a short while ago. Now it was back, stronger than ever. So strong in fact that nothing could tear them apart. Only death.

A teardrop fell on the picture held in her lap. _He was not dead,_ she scolded herself then sprang back into action.

The trashcan attached to his shredder was empty and a good hour of searching the office, the salon and the premises resulted in a fat load of nothing as well. This was a dead end. Kim closed her eyes in defeat. The only other option she had now was one she dreaded. Two years of her not wanting to get involved was coming to a spectacular end. She knew this would happen the moment she suggested getting married but hoped that it wouldn’t start with a high-ranking cartel member right off the bat. And especially not with the stakes this high and her being this emotionally involved.

Professional visitation started at 8am at MDC. That gave her a few hours to go home and attempt to sleep at least a bit before she drove to there early in the morning.

All through the night Kim startled awake to the smallest of noise coming from the hallway outside the front door hoping beyond hope that Jimmy would get home safe and sound, that this nightmare would end.

Barely three hours of on and off sleep was not very sufficient and unsurprisingly it ended with her slipping in front of Salamanca the next morning. And it was all for nothing, if anything it had just made matters worse. _This would need fixing._ A plan to have Jimmy be dismissive towards her when talking to Salamanca was already forming in her head. A few visits to strip joints might also be needed as well. No one could know Jimmy actually loved her. She could not be his pain point. Just _'the blonde'_ trophy wife.

The sun was already beating down strong on the MDC parking lot, the asphalt reflecting back the heat, making the air uncomfortably hot. Kim slammed her car door shut and just sat in there for a few seconds cooling down, thinking through her options. She could not go home again. Not to an empty apartment. Not with the knowledge that he was still out there.

Three hours later found her driving South on I-25. This was her best bet, the most likely route Jimmy had taken towards the border.

During a fill up at a Chevron at Truth or Consequences she bought two gallons of water, two large Gatorades along with a bunch of power bars and a detailed map of the local area. The latter she studied for a while before setting off towards Las Cruces but not before she sent a text to Jimmy letting him know about her whereabouts.

About a hundred miles away in the desert Jimmy’s phone pinged. And then it pinged again and again. Mike immediately took his phone out as well.

“Oh no,” Jimmy muttered looking at his messages. “She is driving to Las Cruces.”

Mike’s finger froze over the call button. This was perfect, he did not have to risk involving one of Gus’ men. “Call her. She could pick us up sooner than my guy.”

“No! I’ll just tell her to go home.” _What were a few more hours now? It was certainly not worth her getting involved in this mess._

Mike was exhausted and probably closer to death than he was comfortable with hence was really not up for mind games. “Don’t make me put a gun to your head.”

Jimmy glanced at the older man trying to gauge his seriousness but the man had a permanent poker face on his best days. “Fine.”

Kim was driving past Garfield when her phone rang.

“Hey,” Jimmy attempted to stay casual but failed miserably, his voice all messed up.

“Jesus, Jimmy. Where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Realising he had no clue whatsoever where he was he turned to Mike for input who walked up to him and spoke loud enough to be heard by Kim as Jimmy turned his phone slightly out from his ear.

“We’re 22 miles South of Hachita. You’ll have to---”

“I know how to get there. I’m turning off to 26 right now so I’m about an hour and a half out. Do you have any shelter?”

At this point Mike took over the conversation completely, taking Jimmy’s phone and nudging him towards a tree nearby. “There’s a tree about 200 yards from the road.”

“Is it visible from the road?”

“Yes. We’ll see you coming.”

“I’ll call when I’m 10 miles out of Hachita.” Mike gave an impressed look, well, as impressed as he could. Seemed the wife truly did know better. Much better than her husband.

The speed gauge in Kim’s Audi dangerously flirted with the limit but not excessively enough to be stopped. Exactly one hour and twenty minutes later she pulled up at the side of NM-81 right next to Jimmy and Mike. The car was barely stopped, the boot popped open and she jumped out rushing to the back of her car to help the two men with two cold Gatorades in her hand. It was a hellish day in the desert and unsurprisingly both of them looked terrible. Somehow Jimmy managed to look worse although he wasn’t really dressed for the occasion and his pasty Irish skin probably also did not help the situation.

“Here,” she stuffed a bottle in Mike’s hand and handed the other to Jimmy all the while her eyes roaming Jimmy’s body, looking for any injuries other than a horrible case of heatstroke and dehydration. Her gaze skittered to a halt on the blood splatter on her husband’s favourite salmon shirt.

“Kim---” His voice snapped her out of it.

“Get in the car. In the back,” she told him firmly and he complied along with Mike. As Jimmy ran out of all strength by now it was up to Kim to put both bags of money in the boot. She wanted to take the spare petrol in the can in there and light the damned things on fire. All this shit just for more money. They shared a bank account, she knew Jimmy was raking in a respectable amount already. _They really needed to discuss a loan-out._ There was no need to take these stupid risks. But Jimmy wanted Montana ranch money. When had that happened she wasn’t sure. She thought they were on the same page about the bungalow with a few acres and horses - they were only a few years from that - but that dream seemed to have only belonged to her now.

She closed the boot with a bit more force than necessary, made her face settle back into neutral then sat in the car turning back towards the two men.

There was a blanket over the interior so they wouldn’t mess it up, the AC was going full whack turning the back of the car - and by extension the front - into a walk-in freezer. One of the gallon sized water bottles sat at their feet in the middle. She saw that Mike found the frozen packages and were applying them to his neck and armpit. She gave a sharp look to Jimmy urging him to follow the older man’s example.

“Are you both okay? Either one of you need first aid?” she asked, her eyes now taking in Mike’s state as well.

“We’re fine,” Jimmy croaked between two large gulps of Gatorade. “We need to go straight to MDC.”

Kim turned back in her seat and started her car. “We are stopping in Deming. You two can get cleaned up there.”

To her credit she did not utter a single word of complaint about the absolute stench that was coming off the two men during their hour long drive to the truck stop. Once there Kim handed both of them a change of clothes from the duffel in the boot, plastic bags for their soiled clothes and flip-flops she bought at the small store adjacent to the building with the showers.

The nearly three hour drive from Deming was equally as silent but at least smelling like soap now. The men were sleeping on and off and Kim concentrated on the road enjoying the distraction that driving could provide.

They dropped Jimmy off at MDC and agreed that he would take a taxi home afterwards as processing Salamanca out, - not to mention the 7 million in - would no doubt take a while. Kim drove Mike home next.

With a concerned glance she turned to him. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to a hospital?”

“No. I’ll be fine.”

Mike was about to get out when Kim quickly voiced her gratitude. She just knew that without the older man she would be a widow now. “Thank you, Mike.”

The ex-cop sighed. He felt for this young woman. It was obvious to him that she had managed to leave this type of life behind once already and judging from the few times he had seen her dressed all professional and from the cushy company car she made a good crack at an honest life. And now she was getting drawn back in. “Get out while you still can.”

“I can’t…” She faltered. “Not without my husband.”

Mike shook his head. He could not argue with love. No matter how misguided it was.

Jimmy got home an hour after Kim. By then she planned out their whole conversation all of which flew right out the window when she came face-to-face with him and his empty stare in the entryway. Her arms hesitantly went around his waist until he practically sunk into her arms, his hands clutching at her back as the days’ events hit him at once and he broke under the pressure weeping into her neck.

He was mumbling, “I’m sorry.” Over and over again. Kim chose to ignore it and just gave him the comfort he desperately needed, holding him up as long as she could.

Soon Jimmy’s legs were giving out so she manoeuvred them to the bed where he sunk on her side with a groan. She sat by his hips, her eyes roaming his body, studiously avoiding his face.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured one last time, finally noticing her indifferent expression and realising that she was not looking for another apology. “You were right.”

That got her attention. But not in the way he was aiming for. When their gazes locked, hers were full with fire.

“Do you honestly think that’s what I want to hear? I don’t give a shit about being right.” Her face crumbled in a blink, her eyes filling up with tears. She had trouble pushing out the words. “I can’t...I can’t lose…”

Catching herself Kim stood abruptly and left to go to the bathroom under the guise of collecting some supplies. She pushed and pulled the drawers mechanically picking out stuff that she would need. With her hand on the bottom drawer’s knob a strangled sob escaped her, shaking her whole body. She had to grab a hold of the counter to keep upright. One hand covered her mouth, not letting a single sound out as she silently wept. One breath. Two. Three. She stuffed the hurt down quick, angrily wiping away her tears before resuming her task.

She walked back into the bedroom and handed a glass of water and two paracetamols to Jimmy who took them wordlessly, an indication of just how much pain he was in.

Kim sat back on the bed with a large jar of aloe vera cream that she started to apply on Jimmy’s already lobster red skin. Lucky for him, he had expensive taste so his legs were pretty untouched by the sun thanks to his thick woollen suit trousers. His arms, face, neck and some of his torso, however were a different story.

Her hands smoothly glided along one arm, then another. Jimmy closed his eyes savouring the welcomed cooling of his skin.

Tone flat, emotionless Kim stated, “I’m quitting Schweikhart.”

Jimmy’s eyes popped open. “You’re what?”

This was the last thing he expected. Being yelled at, maybe even punched in the arm again - although he knew she was ashamed of doing that - and then be told to quit whilst he was ahead or she’d walk, yes. But Kim nuking her career? Never.

Kim, however, knew that ultimatums did not work. She had given one before to a man who supposedly cared about her. He chose crime instead. She was not about to set herself up again. Plus she was a lawyer now, she had much better tactics up her sleeve than emotional blackmail.

“I leave here at 8:40 in the morning and get back at 7 at best. All I get is a brief, sanitised lowdown of your day.” Not to mention sometimes it would have felt nice if she could have unwound a bit and complain about the day she’d had but there hasn’t really been room for that in a long time now. Not with them living two separate lives. “It’s not enough. I need to know the details, Jimmy. I need to be more involved so we can have better discussions about the risks and rewards.” Jimmy opened his mouth to speak but Kim wasn’t done. There was one damning fact still in her arsenal that she knew he could not dispute. “You’ve said it yourself. This only works if I pull you back when you go too far. I can only do that as your partner.”

She was once again making it sound like it was all business. And would this mean they’d get a divorce now as being partners would allow them to share information freely? He wasn’t having it. “I don’t need to be babysat. I’ll be more carefu--”

Kim snapped, unable to hold back her anger. “Jimmy! You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into!”

His gibe was quick, “But you do.”

“Yes.” That word silenced both of them for a few beats; Kim in shock that she let it slip and Jimmy taken aback by the implications. He knew she hid some of her past from him. So did he. They liked to think that the past was the past; that New Mexico was a chance for a fresh start for the both of them. Sometimes he wondered how wise it was to act as if whatever they were trying to hide never really happened. As if it had no effect whatsoever on their current selves.

Kim looked at her feet as she softly confessed, “You know my dad’s been to prison a few times... He isn’t just a one percenter, Jimmy. He controls the whole region...I know how this works.”

She did. Much, much better than Jimmy. He was just a small-time fraudster - utterly harmless and just the right amount of fun - who managed to get in way over his head. It was up to Kim now to teach him everything that was to know about organised crime. The spoken and unspoken rules. That he should trust no one. But most importantly, before he got any further in, he needed a way out, a disappearer man better than WitSec with zero ties to Jimmy’s clientele.

And to prove her point Kim went on, “You don’t do cash drops of this size without serious security. I’ve just hoped Salamanca knew what he was doing; using people he could trust and an area he knew he had under control or at least had some sort of backup in place. Now I know he is unreliable at best. We would have to be more careful next ti---”

“No!” he protested, his hand wrapping around one of her arms - probably a bit too strong - as if he was physically trying to yank her out. “You _cannot_ be in the game.”

Her eyes snapped back up to his. She had to make him understand. “I’m already in it, Jimmy. I got in the moment I said ‘I do’.”

He was still shaking his head. “No. You don’t have to--”

“I went to see Salamanca.”

Suddenly he did not feel that hot anymore, his blood ran cold as he froze in fear recalling what he initially thought was just a throwaway threat disguised as a friendly little advice that Lalo said to him after he got released.

“You’ve earned another 50k as hazard pay. Buy something nice for the wife. She deserves it.”

He also said something in Spanish after that and judging by the wink and the little whistle he gave, it must have been something about Kim.

Jimmy sat completely upright, his breathing quickening. Kim seemed completely unaffected as she coolly closed the aloe vera jar and placed it on the nightstand.

“Why...why would you...?” he stammered but a quick, sharp look from her made him stop, realising just how stupid of a question he was about to ask.

“It just proves my point. We need to plan better. I need to know everything.” She did have a point but he was having a hard time getting over the fact that that cold blooded murderer sat face-to-face with his wife. “Look, it doesn’t matter. They could have found out about me anyway if they wanted to. If you think about it, being your partner is actually the safest option for me. This way I am their lawyer as well.”

“I don’t---”

“Hey!” She gently took his hand careful not to hurt him. “You _know_ we’re good together. And I know you’re already doing pretty well alone with your billing. Now imagine combining our powers.”

Those were his words, he remembered. He hoped that she would see the truth in them under different circumstances but this was really his fault. He finally gave in with a tiny nod and she rewarded him with a smile. His eyes looked down at their joined hands.

“So...Wexler Goodman?” She winced before she could catch herself. Thankfully, he did not notice her honest reaction.

There was no way she’d be caught being associated with Saul Goodman. She still had a reputation to uphold. He could never know this because she was sure he would make a bigger deal out of it than it was. No doubt adding it on to the pile of her denying her friendship with him after he left HHM, turning his partnership offers down, not taking his name in marriage and not really making it public - to this day only HR knew at her workplace for purely legal reasons -, and of course not wearing wedding bands. When one added all these up, they could have easily gotten to the wrong conclusion. Kim had a perfectly logical reason for each decision though.

Then she got it: the perfect excuse. “You are the face of this operation, Jimmy. My name just doesn’t fit in there.”

He seemed to consider this for a few seconds then nod. His marketing was indeed centred heavily around his persona and it would take some considerable work to be able to make Kim fit into it. She was also so far away from being the required amount of sleazy. Maybe Giselle… But Kim was already ahead of him.

“How about Saul Goodman & Associates?”

It had to be his name alone, he conceded. ‘Partners’ sounded too official and implied other trial attorneys on staff. ‘Associates’ was perfect yet felt so wrong. “You are much more than a mere associate, Kim.”

“I’m fine being a silent partner. I can just handle all the background stuff. I don’t--I don’t need to be in the courtroom to be an attorney.” They both knew that that wasn’t entirely true. Kim loved being a trial lawyer, that was part of the reason why she detested Mesa Verde. However, she could still do negotiating with prosecutors which was an even bigger part of the job and one she still liked.

“You could still do some PD overflow.”

“Maybe.” She knew she wouldn’t have the time for that. Not initially.

He was about to disagree again, maybe even decline her. “Kim---”

“Jimmy, this is the only way.”

He sighed, “okay.”

His inside voice still asked, _Was it?_ But this was Kim’s choice, her decision. And he was happy. At least he knew he should feel happy. Lately, he’d been having a little problem feeling anything. Except maybe one thing - perhaps the most important one - the one feeling he swore nearly dying in that fucking desert that he would finally voice.

Kim stood from the bed whilst he was pondering away in his head. She changed into her pyjamas and was slipping in the bed next to him on his usual side.

“Kim, I…” he started, unsure. _Was this the right moment?_ And then he was hit with a tsunami of doubt. With a small self-deprecating smile he blurted out. “Does this mean we are getting a divorce?”

Kim’s eyes went wide in shock. This was not what she was expecting when he started speaking up. She was sure he was about to confess something that’s been unspoken between them for a long time now. She sometimes wondered why that was. It had probably stemmed from their early relationship that both of them made sure not to call one. She was just not in a phase of her life to commit and he was afraid Chuck would frown upon him starting an ‘intra-office affair’. For close to a decade they were actively hiding it. Whatever _‘it’_ was. And what made hiding easier was to never talk about feelings. It worked. Sort of. But she couldn’t help but think that they might have developed a few bad habits along the way.

“What? No!” The vulnerable look on his face squeezed her chest tight. She should have told him before. “Jimmy, I didn’t---I didn’t marry you just for the spousal privilege.”

“You didn’t?” For a second he flinched thinking he probably shouldn’t have sounded so incredulous but he was so beat and broken he had no energy to keep up appearances.

“No, I did not.”

An absolutely gorgeous little smile lit up his whole face and that warm feeling was right back in Kim’s stomach. Then with a slightly trembling voice he declared, “I love you, Kim.”

She knew. She had known for a long time now and yet the words still managed to knock her right off course. She gulped with difficulty, her throat closing up as she struggled to keep everything down. _She was not going to cry!_

He misinterpreted her silence and quickly scrambled. “You don’t have t---”

It finally bubbled out of her along with a few tears, a chocked, happy sob and a grin that completely blinded him. “I love you too, Jimmy.”

He joined in on her good mood with a small chuckle, diving for her lips pushing her down onto his pillow. Between giggling and reciprocating she playfully protested, “Jimmy!”

Was he in pain? Sure. But was he going to let her go? Never. He just gathered her in his arms laying back with her head on his shoulder, his nose in her hair. He hummed in content and was out like a light in a few seconds. 

His chest rose and fell, his heart was beating strong underneath her ear. And she loved him. She loved him more than enough to put her career on hold for a few years, until his practice would take off with her working in the background gently nudging him towards the more honest type of work. To show him that the law could still be interesting albeit a bit less colourful. Give him the guidance and mentoring he never got from Chuck. Maybe help him see his clients in a different light as well; because, yes, some might have been losers but a great many just needed some honest help. She knew Jimmy McGill could do it.

As she followed him into the land of unconsciousness the jeering voice returned.

_Should have done this two years ago._


	2. Toyota War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The car you drive says a lot about you. What does Kim’s new ride mean?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In loving memory of Jimmy’s Esteem, may it rest in peace.

#### 1994

Jimmy stomped his way into the kitchenette slash mailroom employee locker room. Kim - sitting at the only table surrounded by two sizeable and a handful of not so enormous books poised over a legal pad - glanced up briefly to see him enter then went right back to trying to stuff another Latin legal term in the sentence she had been struggling with the last five minutes. She was looking forward to the day when she could flush her brain of all this superfluous shit. No lawyer worth their salt used this kind of language. Distractedly she muttered, “Thought you’ve already left.”

He practically sneered at her, “I’m just a figment of your imagination, Kim. You dirty minx! Fantasising about me instead of studying. Not that I can b--”

Kim’s eyebrows scrunched up, first utterly confused by his tangent, then as it got worse confusion gave way to concern. Schoolwork forgotten she swiftly cut off his irate tirade. “Jimmy. What’s going on?”

“The universe conspiring against me, that’s fucking what.” And he barrelled headway into a rant, his nervous energy making his feet carry him across the small room - no wider than 6 steps - and then back. Kim felt like she was watching a ping-pong match as she tried to keep up with him. “I have to call Chuck to cancel on Rebecca’s birthday party claiming car troubles that he will surely not believe and just take as proof positive that I’m an unreliable fuck-up. If only he’d know that I’m just a _broke_ , unreliable fuck-up who had spent his last twenty bucks on a flower bouquet therefore cannot even afford a cab and who stupidly bought the cheapest car on the lot and now have to get AAA to come and fix it for what I’m sure will be twice the price of that piece of shit.”

The pacing stopped at the far wall. Jimmy gave a great big sigh then unhooked the employee phone affixed to the wall. Pushing one finger into the rotary dial he started the tedious process of dialling.

“What’s the problem with your car?”

“It wouldn’t start,” he scoffed, annoyed, muttering the number to himself then realising he messed up he slammed the switch hook down to restart.

“Yes but, you know why?” He gave her a pointed look and was about to snap again when she offered, “Let me have a look before you call anyone.”

Jimmy looked at her, then the books around her but before he could decline she was up and pushing him towards the door.

The elevator dinged letting them out on the ‘loser floor’ where low-level employees parked their barely road legal beaters out of sight of anyone visiting. The trashcan in the corner looked like someone kicked the shit out of it. Kim gave Jimmy a sideways glance and a raised eyebrow but decided not to comment.

The first time Jimmy showed off his ‘new’ car to Kim and Ernie they both frowned. Not because it was five years old and barely held together by rust but because of the badge in the front. They told him in no uncertain terms that he should really buy Japanese cars instead of American. Those things were built to last and cheap and easy to fix. Ernie also volunteered to help pick out a new car for Jimmy once this one inevitably died.

Kim sat in the small Ford's driver’s seat, the door open, Jimmy standing by leaning on it and the roof. When the key was turned the engine didn’t even crank, all you could hear was a faint clicking and then nothing.

“Uhm, have you used your wipers or your dome light lately?” She inquired, already about 99% sure about her diagnosis.

“Wipers barely move. Light stopped coming on some time ago.”

Kim - flawlessly channelling Doctor McCoy - announced, “Your battery’s dead, Jim.”

“Fuck.” He stepped back and sunk against the back door, eyes closed.

“Hey, it’s no big deal. A new one doesn’t cost that much and we can install it in no time.” Kim tried to mollify him but he seemed to be stuck in his own little hell. She saw his lips tremble a bit. _God, he was on the verge of crying._ “If you give me five minutes I can take you to Chuck’s.”

He gathered enough strength for a weak, little protest. “Kim---”

“It’s fine. His place is on my way and I can just take the books home and study there.” Jimmy gave her a tiny, broken smile. His eyes glimmering with unshed tears, face full of awe and adoration. She had to look away from him before she did something entirely stupid that she would no doubt have trouble regretting. She should have but she never could. Not Jimmy.

Traffic was surprisingly light and they were making good time which seemed to alleviate at least a little of Jimmy’s anxiety. He was still nervously clutching the small bouquet he bought for Rebecca.

“Listen, Kim, I’m sorry about earlier. I--”

She waved off his apology as they pulled up at a red light. “It’s fine. A great many mental breakdowns await you once you become a 1L.” 

Kim turned to him with a playful, reassuring smile that slipped the moment she realised she just freaked him out more. Seeing Jimmy like this made her heart ache. He looked so broken. And it just felt wrong. The man always had a sunny disposition no matter how many times life slapped him right in the face. He was one of those ‘annoyingly optimistic’ people Kim hated but when it came to Jimmy the term changed from annoying to endearing...Most of the times. Other times, well, she still had the urge to stuff his tie in his mouth just to shut him up.

She was overtaken by the urge to get at least one little smile out of him. Fortunately, he made it very easy for her.

“Hey, I don’t think I’ve told you but you look really nice today, Jimmy.”

He was wearing a long sleeve shirt for a change, slightly too big, but a nice blue one that brought out his eyes. His tie was also a single shade of dark blue, one of Burt’s she noted. He obviously made an effort for his sister-in-law.

“Thanks,” he muttered, turning scarlet and that tiny little smile was back. The one that never failed to make something flutter in her stomach.

There was quite the turnout at Chuck’s place. His driveway and the street around the house was lined with cars, Kim barely managed to find a place to stop. Parallel parking between a BMW and a Jaguar came with its own pressures; not to mention that tinge of shame she felt sitting in her little Mirage, a car that was worth less than the set of wheels on the other cars.

Jimmy turned to her with a hopeful look.

“You wanna come in? I’m sure Rebecca wouldn’t mind. And I know Chuck payed for some fancy caterers so there must be a feast in there that could feed a small African village for a month.” The food sounded enticing. It was towards the end of the month which had meant she alternated between not eating much or not at all. “And, uh, I could really do with a friendly face in there swimming in the sea of smug that is lawyers mixing with classical musicians.”

This wasn’t his world. And it wasn’t hers either. Kim still had a hard time imagining being able to fit in it in a couple of years. It was just so far removed from the life she had lead. Her only idea of what it would look like came from movies and television and the few books on etiquette she read in secret, desperate to avoid embarrassing herself. UNM had organised a few mixers between students and local firms before and Howard had encouraged her to go and network. There was some discussion on the law that she had no trouble participating in but the small talk was a whole different ballgame. To this day she shuddered at the memory of standing by, smiling at the appropriate moments, not having a single thing to add to the conversation as others chatted about golf - a sport she deeply despised -, owning expensive cars and moaned about the agony of choice amongst holiday home locations.

_Would she ever fit in? Or would it always be just pretence?_

She wanted to say yes to Jimmy. After all, what better way to rub shoulders with some of Albuquerque’s high-society than with an absolute charmer on her side, someone who could carry a conversation with a dead house plant and make it the life of the party. Then she reminded herself of all the senior HHM staff that must be in there and the unfortunate detail of her gender. She really didn’t want it to occur to anyone that she was using Jimmy to get closer to Chuck to receive preferential treatment. If only everyone knew just how ‘sweet’ the real relationship between the two brothers was. Including Jimmy. But it was not her place to point this out, so instead she went with the safer excuse.

“I’m sorry. I still have a lot of studying to do.”

“Oh shit, yeah, sorry.” He was beating a hasty retreat in shame but was stopped and startled by a soft hand landing on his left arm.

“I could pick you up afterwards. We could hang out, cleanse your palate. I’m stopping by Blockbuster on my way home. We could make some popcorn and numb our brains. And there’s a parts store near my place where we can pick up a battery for you tomorrow morning before work.” Jimmy might have been the uncrowned king of babbling but Kim could give him a run for his money when she tried. Or more precisely, when she admitted to herself that she craved his company and felt utterly embarrassed for it. He never called her on it, just gratefully accepted every occasion, never leaving her in doubt about the fact that she was in charge of this...thing.

“You’ve had me at Blockbuster.”

Relief and the slight, comfortable buzz of anticipation flowed through her veins as she let her hand drop from his forearm. “Two hours?”

“Hour and a half?”

An hour and twenty minutes later Jimmy had said goodbye to Rebecca and was trying to slip out the backdoor when Chuck caught him. The older man’s eyes immediately went to the large collection of his tupperware in his little brother’s hands filled with the food from the party. Chuck gave a snide look but said nothing, not aware that - whilst Jimmy did become on first name basis with the chef and most of the staff Chuck had hired for the night - it was Rebecca’s idea to send a bunch of food home with the younger brother as she good-naturedly complained about Chuck ordering way too much.

“Do you need to call a cab?” Chuck asked, having heard about Jimmy’s car troubles earlier that he used as an excuse for his tardiness. A lie, Chuck suspected.

Jimmy squirmed and his brother was smirking in victory already. “Uhm, no...Kim’s picking me up.”

With this new bit of information and based on Jimmy’s body language Chuck had to change tactics. Easy enough for a senior partner.

“Kim Wexler?” Chuck asked for confirmation with a honeyed smile and Jimmy nodded, unsure of where this was going. Not being the partner in charge of personnel and never really taking any interest in his colleagues, Chuck had only found out about Kim’s existence a few months ago after the Isacsson case. Before that Jimmy made sure not to mention her, ever. “Howard tells me she has a very bright future ahead of her with HHM. What a drive, going to law school whilst working in the mailroom.”

Jimmy’s stomach clenched. _Would Chuck think the same of him when he would eventually get barred? Would he be proud?_

Getting a bit carried away Jimmy beamed with pride, “Yeah, she’s great. If you’re not careful she’s gonna run your place in five years.”

Chuck gave the appropriate chuckle then extended his hand to his brother. “Thank you for coming, Jimmy.”

“Thank you for inviting me.” Jimmy - as usual - missed the slight twinge on Chuck’s face. The one that screamed that if it were up to the older McGill brother he would have not been invited.

Kim was already outside waiting. The smell coming from the tupperware made her stomach growl loudly as she pulled out of her parking space. With a chuckle Jimmy popped open one of the containers and got out something that vaguely resembled a miniature slice of pepperoni pizza and was already putting it to her mouth.

“Here, this is the best one.” She laughed a little as she tried to reach for it, their hands crashing near her face. He was not letting go. With an indignant stare she let him feed her. He wasn’t kidding. Whatever that thing was, the tastes melding together in her mouth were heavenly. “I’ve got a bunch of these. I knew you’d love them. Did swipe other stuff as well but, uh, they mostly taste really weird.”

Priding herself on her open mind and intrigued by a whole new world of posh nutrition options out there, Kim went along with Jimmy’s little game of popping open containers and stuffing things in her mouth whilst she drove them to her place. She wasn’t a particularly picky eater but one of the little canapes did end up on a New Mexico public road when she refused to swallow it. Amongst fits of laughter they shared a fancy tupperware dinner and concluded that rich people had no taste buds.

Kim’s apartment wasn’t much larger than Jimmy’s but it was a tad homelier since she had slightly more stuff, including a TV with a VCR. Settling on the small, two-person couch Jimmy examined the day’s selection prising open the plastic VHS boxes and reading the titles: In the Name of the Father and The Sandlot. Kim had been to the new releases aisle, he noted. The Irish baseball fan that was Jimmy McGill was thorn but eventually settled for a taste of the home country.

Kim sat sideways back against the arm of the sofa, legs pulled up, her bare feet flat next to Jimmy. Sometime into the movie she started wiggling her toes, enjoying the relief that that small movement gave her. She wore proper high heels the whole day instead of her usual, more comfortable block ones because she wanted to look professional for the morning meeting with Howard and the other law students. They were locked in the meeting room for 2 hours, sitting. No one had seen her shoes. But she was stuck with them for the rest of the day, lugging around mail and then a few sizeable books from the library. Her feet were not used to this level of torture. She grew up wearing not much else but boots and shoes with little or no heels. This line of work will kill her feet, she was sure.

Her left foot slipped a little, connecting with Jimmy who was completely engrossed in the movie. He glanced at her first, accepting her small apologetic smile, then he looked down at her feet. Without a word he scooped both up and pulled them into his lap. His fingers glided over her skin, gently, just with the right amount of pressure. His hands were rough, warm and incredibly skilled. Kim stifled her moans for as long as she could but when he kneaded the ball of her foot one slipped out. She saw his lips tug up slightly and stopped holding back.

Both of his ex-wives were idiots, Kim decided. If she were to ever marry this man she would never let him go. _Shit. Where did that come from?_

The movie went on, Kim’s feet still in Jimmy’s lap but now just resting there with one of his hands on her shin. That hand squeezed a bit too hard when the father died in custody on screen. Kim looked up just to see Jimmy breaking down, crying.

“Jimmy,” she fretted and he immediately turned away from her wiping at his tears.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled his voice trembling as he struggled to regain control.

Concerned at his odd behaviour Kim got her feet on the ground and tentatively slid closer to him. “Hey, what’s going on?”

He was silent for a long moment, hiding behind his hand. Then the hand came down and Kim saw his red eyes full with tears and her heart lurched in sympathy for him.

He finally croaked, “Today’s my dad’s death anniversary.”

“Shit.” She quickly reached for the remote stopping the movie then dropping the plastic not caring that it landed on the ground with a loud thud.

Comforting other people was really not Kim’s forte. She never knew the right words to say. So instead she laid a hand on his cheek hoping that he would understand that she was there for him, however he wanted her to be.

His mouth opened but no words came out. A teardrop escaped the prison of his eyelids and slid onto her hand. The next moment his lips were on hers, still tentative, asking. She pushed closer to him, her other arm going around his waist, pulling him towards her and he sunk into her with a sigh.

This was the comfort they knew well. An expression of feelings without words. Amongst the sadness and sorrow hid his guilt and he desperately needed to feel worthy of love right now. And Kim understood. She always did.

He fell asleep with her in his arms, her head on his shoulder, his nose in her hair.

#### 2004

Jimmy woke up in a sweat, his heart beating out of his chest, his breathing rapid and a soft hand lightly touching his bare chest. His eyes focused on a pair of concerned blue orbs hovering above him. He tried to speak but couldn’t. The horrific images from his nightmare were hot on his heels chasing him even with his eyes open. He clutched her arm using it as an anchor to reality. Slowly, his hearing returned and her soft, reassuring words eased the terror rattling around in his head. He sank back into his pillow with a soft curse, “Shit.”

Kim was already dressed for the day, just in some t-shirt and sweatpants, hair down, looking delightfully soft. There was a tray of food at the end of the bed and a glass of OJ on the nightstand next to him.

She helped him sit up, his arms practically useless his muscles were so sore. He managed two spoonfuls of cereal before she had to step in and feed him but not before being sworn into secrecy.

Eyes fixed on his bowl Kim quietly asked, “What happened out there?”

“Nothing.” Was his knee-jerk response.

She looked up with a pained expression, softly warning him, “Jimmy.”

“I’m sorry. It’s...it’s like a reflex.”

She was afraid of this. Their marriage and the agreement that came with it was not some magic wand. It could not undo their communication habits in a day. _If only._ Instead, they had to work on this. Together. “I know. I’m sorry. I should never have insisted...”

“Hey, it was either that or marrying me one week into dating.”

Deciding on leading by example in this honesty thing she blurted out the truth. “I’ve thought about marrying you long before that.”

“You did?” he asked incredulous, checking if she was just teasing. When she merely nodded without a hint of jest he grinned and let out a soft, “Wow.”

In the days that followed, little-by-little he managed to get every detail out. Some over breakfast, some sitting on the couch tipsy on wine, the worst lying in their bed in the dark. And with every word he felt the massive boulder sitting on his chest get lighter and lighter.

After seven days of just the two of them, it was time to face the real world again.

Rich Schweikhart was not happy. He was in fact, disappointed. “Kim, you are making a mistake.”

She would have appreciated if people kept their unsolicited advice about her personal life to themselves. They were all based on the superficial stuff, things that they could see, conclusions they came to. But one tended to draw the wrong conclusions when they did not have all the details. It drove her mad that she seemed to be the only person who saw it: that Jimmy McGill was an amazing, caring, wonderful man.

“I would hardly call standing by my husband a mistake.”

“Husband?” Kim’s fist itched to wipe that imperceptible twinge of disgust from Rich’s face. The fact that after this little reveal he very quickly gave up the fight to keep her on board just boiled her blood even more.

“Rich, I really appreciate everything but it’s time for me to move on.” _Although, what was there to appreciate?_ That he so graciously said yes to her bringing in 250k in billing - even more now thanks to Saul Goodman’s antics these last months? If anything, she would not miss the pointless posturing of corporate life.

The trip to HR was quick. When it was time to hand back her car keys Kim had done it without a trace of regret. Some might have missed the prestige that a German car came with, for Kim this was a relief. She hated herself just a little bit for buying into it at one point and actually feeling superior a few times turning up in that car to meetings. But that was the point, wasn’t it? _Appearances._ Frankly, it turned her stomach.

She walked to the pearl white Caddy parked at the very top of the garage. Jimmy shot out the second he noticed her, popped the boot open and took her box of meagre personal possessions from her to put in there. Once back inside the car, he turned to her, looking for any signs of regret.

“You okay?”

Kim let out a long, slow breath, the tension from the last year visibly leaving her body. _No more Mesa Verde._ Jimmy looked on slightly concerned until he saw her ear move just a bit upwards, a precursor to her smiling. And there it was: a grin lighting up her whole face. In one fluid motion she flipped the centre console up and was pressed up against him, her hands framing his face, kissing him senseless.

She kissed her way along his short jaw then bit his earlobe before whispering, “Get me out of this dress.”

He pulled back a little, eyes wide. “Shit, Kim. Here?”

Not that he would oppose. It would have been nice to make some good memories up here.

She snorted in amusement, her forehead resting on his, noses brushing against each other. Giving him a peck on the lips then pulling back, she reminded him of their plan. “I need to change, remember?”

“Oh.” He put on a valiant effort not to look too disappointed.

Kim shook her head with a little laugh. _For heaven’s sake, they were both over forty._ Car sex was for the young and limber. Although the Caddy’s seats looked pretty roomy. And the location did scream for some good memories. _No._ They would just end up with all sorts of awkward bruises dinging into knobs and door handles.

Her imagination running rampant Kim giggled as she got the small bag containing more casual clothes for her from in front of the back seat.

Hesitant hands reached for the zipper at the back of her dress and the spark from their kissing was back but Jimmy didn’t push anything, content with running his hands over soft skin under the guise of helping her. The reverent expression on his face after she removed her hair tie letting her hair down and he reached out to tuck a strand behind her ear, made her heart clench. A feeling that got increasingly more frequent since their wedding. _How was it possible to fall even more in love with a man you have loved for 12 years?_ Kim wondered and found herself grinning at him.

She had Jimmy drive them to a nearby used car lot. And the hunt begun.

Jimmy was eyeing the Cadillacs about to suggest matching cars when he noticed Kim making a beeline for the next row filled with imported cars. He hurried after her, badgering her in the process. “Hey, where’s the patriot in you, Kim?”

“I pay taxes.”

He chuckled and let it go. Buying his Caddy this morning was enough of a shock to Kim’s system already. She had spent almost an hour checking every part on his car - on top of a half hour long test drive - before she finally gave her reluctant approval.

This lot was huge and utterly boring, but Jimmy soldiered on, trailing a step or two behind Kim. Unable to hold his tongue and trying to be helpful as ever he spotted a pearl white car that looked okay enough for him. “How about this one?”

Kim turned to look over her shoulder and just her face told him her opinion. Nevertheless, she declared, “No way!”

“What? It’s an import, isn’t it?”

“It’s French!” She snorted in disgust. “I’m not driving a French car.”

Hand to heart Jimmy cried out using most of the knowledge one semester of language credit amounted to. “Oh, mon Dieu!”

At the start of the next row Kim stopped and - distracted by a BMW painted in a glittery, shiny gold colour - Jimmy almost crashed into her. Following her eyes he saw a dark green and silver monstrosity of an SUV. She was in love.

“You cannot be serious,” Jimmy exclaimed in disbelief, joining her in her initial inspection of the bodywork. It read Montero in the back. _Even the name was ugly._

“What? I loved my Eclipse and even the Mirage. I still have my part guy and these things are easy to fix _if_ they ever break.” He just noticed that the insignia on the front was the same as her old cars’. _Trust Kim to be loyal even when it came to her car maker._ But that was Kim, once she found something good she tended not to let it go.

She took out a torch from her purse then trusted the bag at Jimmy. He took it wordlessly, throwing it over his shoulder whilst marvelling at Kim in action. She was on her tiptoes opening the bonnet, checking the engine with the torch between her teeth humming to herself as she took the light and shone it deep down, her head disappearing for a moment.

Satisfied with what she had seen she closed the bonnet and was now leaning under the car, immediately exclaiming with glee, “Oh, it even has a skid plate!”

Kim looked up to gauge Jimmy’s interest which was pretty low when it came to the car, but seemed to be rather high when it came to her backside. She cleared her throat and he had the decency to look a bit sheepish when their eyes met. Then he decided to push his luck and gave her a borderline sleazy smile and winked. She did her damnedest to look stern but only managed to hold it for a second before a giggle burst out of her. Pushing herself back up with a hand on the grille guard she found herself in his arms and in a kiss that made her toes curl.

One of her hands trailed down his back and after a brief detour underneath his polo shirt it continued its journey South lightly pinching his ass, enough to make him yelp. Peals of laughter followed as she made a run for it.

There had always been a playful side to Kim. Drunk Kim, for instance, was a hoot. And the Kim who played footsie with him in the HHM meeting room also came to mind. But Kim, his wife, she was a whole new level. Ever since their wedding she just kept smiling more and more. And he swore he would do anything to keep her that way.

For the first time in a very long time he felt that they might just make it. That feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop was fading away as he realised that the distance that had always been between the two of them - even well before they got together - was closing. He would not fuck this up. Chuck was long gone, he had his licence back, married his best friend and now they were going to be partners at law.

His eyes sparkling with mirth he teased, “So, just that I’m prepared. When are we taking on the Lybian government?”

She snorted in amusement leaning against her car, reading the little fact sheet she found inside it.

“Technically those were Toyotas. _And_ pickups.” Absent-mindedly, nose still in the papers she added, “It’s perfect for meetings in the desert.”

 _Not the fucking desert again._ Jimmy shuddered wanting to reconsider the location. “Kim--”

“It’s practically impossible for the feds to listen in on you without being noticed out there.”

“Feds?” He was seeing a whole new side of Kim. It was scary. _And so, so insanely hot._

The salesman finally showed up. Kim was still reading, Jimmy stood a few metres off looking utterly uninterested. When the guy struck up conversation with him instead of Kim - the obvious buyer - Jimmy turned to his wife and winked. She grinned back. They were so going to play this man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon Kim is 24 in 1992 when she meets 32 year-old Jimmy. That’s just...wrong. In my headcanon Kim was born in 63, Jimmy in 62. It gives Kim much more time in Nebraska and makes her personality more believable as a late starter (also more understandable that Jimmy could relate to her in many ways, including going to law school as a mature student)
> 
>  **Fun fact:** The Mitsubishi Montero’s original name used in most markets was Pajero 🤭 Not something you'd want to drive around in a country where plenty speak Spanish.


End file.
